Our trip to Mexico was super fab, but such a long story to tell that unless you have a g&t and 2 hours to spend, you probably just want the short version, which is this...
We are the Griswolds. I think that about sums it up. To kick off the trip, the car battery died while John & Rosey loaded up their gear. Awesome. Luckily, John is the kind of manly man that owns his own jumper cables, so we were able to start the car and hit the road relatively quickly. We took the toll road that I despise on principle, but I set aside my sense of morality to save 45 minutes of traffic. We made it to the border in about an hour, which was perfect and were greenlighted while crossing (apparently no one is concerned about what you're smuggling IN to Mexico).
We checked in quickly with our COMPLIMENTARY CHECK IN MARGARITAS, dropped the junk off in the room and headed right out for the beach. In short order, we were brought drinks on the beach (!!!) and I got a super rad-erific henna tattoo on my ankle. Seriously though, this is the life. Thus began the night of debauchery which ended as badly as it began... about 3am, J&R (sufficiently hammered) decide to go down to the beach for a skinny dip. We figured that they wouldn't actually make it to the sand (too cold), so we hopped in the shower for a quick...er... lather rinse repeat. About 15 minutes later, Rosey comes directly INTO the shower screaming "get out of the shower NOW - we have to leave Mexico, the police are here!" Stunned, we just stare at each other (did that really just happen? Is she serious?) for a while, then I grabbed a towel and went outside. Indeed, an enforcement official was standing by. Apparently J&R decided to skip the swim and dive right in to... er... lather rinse repeat, when they were descended upon by Hotel Security (that has a uniform intentionally resembling La Policia) who insisted that they had broken the law AND the hotel rules*, so we were being evicted from the hotel and possibly being arrested. Neither John nor Rosey could stop panicking - he was pacing and apologizing and she was shaking life a leaf. I took charge (with only a single bath towel to my name) with the guard to 'set things right'. I asked only for an extension to stay the night, since none of us was sober enough to make the drive home, but I had the inside track because I look like a Gringo, but I actually speak Spanish fairly well. So when I arrived at the Front Desk (in towel, still dripping wet) to plead my case, I understood that the guard was telling the desk clerk who spoke English to tell me that we would be arrested and spend 4 days in Mexican jail and have to pay a fine of $200 each, OR... apparently he had the power to delete the "video" that existed of the crime and for a small 'tip' he would be sure that it was deleted. Hooray for Mexican bribery! So I went back to the room to get some money and we settled his 'tip' and went about our merry way. Problem solved.
The rest of the trip was pretty low key. We beached, we ate street tacos, we clubbed at lame bars, we got ripped off all over town, we searched for a decent strip club (Chics y Beer was determined to be "not even hot enough for couples" by Random Dude on the Street), we got more henna tattoos, we sat in the Jacuzzi and watched the 13 year olds let off fireworks at the beach. It was heaven. Just the vacation that I needed. I even saw a seal swimming in the waves.**
On the way home, it took about 2 hours to get across the border (which is actually "good" time) so by the end of that, I was done with being in the car and just wanted to be home. The border agent was pretty funny with the questions about where you come from, why you were here, etc. and then asking "do you have any Taliban in your trunk?"
Relive the memories here
*please bear in mind that the Rosarito Beach Hotel is THE party hotel in Rosarito and is world famous for the thin walls and teenage drunkery
**usually, there are lots of dolphins, but we didn’t see any and I think people were starting to suspect that I was making it up about seeing dolphins in the past - and not everyone totally believed it was a seal, either
