Giddy Girlie

I was searching for something else and saw a picture that I liked, and when I opened it, it showed the keywords for it "office, secretary, gay, gay mom, lesbian". I didn't know that Microsoft was so PC that they would have a clip art image for a gay mom secretaries! But to all of you Gay Mom Secretaries I say this : congratulations, Microsoft has FINALLY taken your plight seriously and you are accepted in the clip art community.

Posted by giddygirlie at 9:43 AM | Permalink

"Because we're brothers/Identical Twins as you can see/Why watch another movie/When you can see two of me?"

Aaaaaaah! I can't get it out of my head (no thanks to Kylie Minogue). I've been buzzing with it all day. Why? Because I have found my long-lost secret twin sister, thanks to this blog. Who is she you ask? She's the coolest cat around. The kind that if you lived within 2,000 miles of her, you'd totally follow her around and send her handmade valentines in July. She is, of course, Styro.

ten MORE reasons why :

1. jibbled giblets
2. all-encompassing hate for public restrooms
3. insatiable ska appetite
4. love for vespas
5. rockin' the nerd-secretary-who'll-steam-up-your-manila-folders glasses
6. high tolerance for pain
7. small crush on migraine pills
8. low tolerance for idiots
9. snarky but sweet
10. codename : Sweet Tits

Posted by giddygirlie at 9:02 PM | Permalink

How is it that seriously 90% of the people that I know that live near me have a single income household (stay at home moms are more common than not 'round here) and the average income is $96,230?! And that was in 2000!! And I don't even make that in 2004!!!

Posted by giddygirlie at 2:13 PM | Permalink

I was prepared for the worst.

As it turned out, I felt 0% pain. I requested nitrous, in case I got too anxious, but I never had to use it so I got that $85 back. That worked out nicely. The dentist was very gentle, very fast and efficient. he was done in about 45 minutes, and that was with placing the post for my cap. He set it up for me so that I don't need a temporary cap, because he said that they bother people more and tend to slow the healing and cause discomfort. Instead, when I come back in 4 days (after my antibiotic regimen) I get my cap and I am done. I took one of the 800 mg motrin that he prescribed before the novacane wore off and I have been comfortable ever since - no pain at all. I know that my gum will be tender for the next few days, but so far, so good.

If you need a root canal - I know the guy to see. As much as it pains me to say it : I had a REALLY good dental experience today.

Posted by giddygirlie at 6:53 PM | Permalink

Saturday night was the No Doubt concert and that's where the trouble began. The venue was about 75 miles away, which we figured would take about an hour to drive. We decided to leave even earlier, just to beat the traffic and we'd get some dinner when we got out there. So we left at 5pm and headed out and got about 6 miles away and hit traffic. Figuring there was an accident or something, we got off the freeway and blindly navigated side roads, which only took us about 3 miles closer - but it was still better than nothing. It should be noted that the Hyundai Pavillion is in the middle of NO WHERE and there are NOT any side roads or any streets of any kind once you get about 3 miles out. There we were - 3 miles away in dead-stopped traffic. Still guessing it was an accident, we asked ourselves "how long can it take?" Thinking that even a REALLY bad accident would be cleared in 30-45 minutes, we'd still get there ontime.

THREE HOURS LATER we have moved exactly ONE mile. Everyone is cutting in and out of the lanes, using the emergency lanes. The freeway is packed with kids heading out to the show, everyone is pumped up and full of pee - literally. People are getting out of their cars and walking around, running roadside to tinkle, tossing lit cigarettes into the brush, etc. It was awful. We'd gone one mile and there was still no exit - next exit was 2 miles away. As it turns out, there were not any accidents at all - the back-up was caused by the concert goers themselves, since there are not enough streets to handle the traffic.

By the time we got to the exit ramp, it was 10:30pm - the show started at 7. It took us another 30 minutes to get down the ramp and another 10 to get into the adjacent parking lot, where the restaurants and gas stations were. The place was CRAZY and over-run with people. The lines for the restrooms were 25-30 people deep and certain places (McDonalds & AM/PM) suddenly closed their restrooms when they saw the volume of people coming in. It was sad. Grown women were twisting and turning, trying to hold it and the men were ducking out behind the dumpster, to allow the girls to use the men's room. It was chaos. Tempers were flaring, people were crying. One girl passed us in the parking lot, where she had lost track of her friends and said "it's the night of broken dreams" - she couldn't have been more right.

There were rumors that the show was delayed, which grew into rumors that all the bands would play twice, etc. We decided to cut our losses and head home. We'd been in the car for 6 hours at that point and were tired and crestfallen and were hoping that we could at least make it back in time for some sleep (we had to be up early in the morning).

Tony from No Doubt has since posted an apology to everyone and the venue has agreed to refunds. It doesn't make it better, and they didn't offer any compensation to see the same bands that we all came out to see. 6 hours in traffic just to get that far - and the only reason that we agreed to go see a show at that god forsaken venue was because it was the only "LA area" show and this could possibly be the last tour for No Doubt (Gwen's solo album is forthcoming and who knows what that may bring). My sister was destroyed. She bought these tickets some 4 months ago, and in advance, and has been counting down the days. It was really crappy.

There was more traffic on the return trip home, but it was middle-of-the-night road construction traffic, and fortunately it was in the Redlands area, so there were actual streets so we exited and navigated around it. Still, when it was all said and done, we had spent more than 8 hours in the car, 1/2 tank of gas (and my Civic gets kick ass gas mileage), and more mental anguish then we could have imagined.

Sunday was fun - we made the best of our drowsy day and went to the Soak City waterpark. Man, waterslides are fun. The hundreds of stairs to get to the top kind of suck. In 116 degree heat. Dragging an inner tube. But man, the waterslides are fun. I've got enough of a sunburn to prove I was there, but little enough to sleep comfortably.

What a weird weekend...

Posted by giddygirlie at 6:20 PM | Permalink

Friday : drive to Palm Springs, float aimlessly in pool until dark sunburn develops or early signs of heat stroke appear. Following, visit local movie theater or dark bedroom to take a nap.

Saturday : slather self in aloe vera snot-lotion until burning subsides. Kick the kids' asses at Scattergories and/or Pictionary and make them buy me popsicles. 7pm - arrive at the show in time to see No Doubt, Blink 182, & The Living End

Sunday : drag tired self to water park and fall asleep in the lazy river. Wake up on world's highest water slide and burn soles of feet on hot asphalt.

Monday : 10am - report to dentist for root canal and crown & cap placement. His office has a "while you wait" cap service so I will be there approx. 3 hours while they perform the surgery, make my crown, make my cap, install said fixtures and then send me home. Fortunately, there will be much nitrous oxide involved so that I don't have a freak attack on the dentist and rip the drill out of his hands while he is boring a hole into the center of my skull in an attempt to save my stupid ass broken tooth.

Tuesday : drag self out of bed and back to work, where I will proceed to attempt to earn back the $1,500 that the dentist has just cost me.

I hope that you all have a great weekend - and even better Monday. If you feel like emailing me yogurt and scrambled eggs and pennies for my savings account, all are greatly appreciated.

Posted by giddygirlie at 12:14 AM | Permalink

Nail : woke up later than expected and had to rush to get ready and leave the house, including skipping the lint roller routine. Arrived at work with cat hair in the butt crack of my black pants.

Hammer : A co-worker was arriving at the same time and offered to help me with my morning tasks.

Nail : the signage for the morning's events weren't set

Hammer : Someone swooped in at the nick-of-time and helped me pull them all together

Nail : overwhelmed with budget estimates

Hammer : my sister's boyfriend is changing my brakes for me AND my oil AND washing the filthy beast of a car AND he picked it up from me at work (!!) and is delivering it back to me (!!!)

Nail : Zach's guitar was stolen out of Ryan's truck today

Posted by giddygirlie at 2:10 PM | Permalink

I was probably 5 years old and my dad and I were on our own for the week. My mom was off whirling around the country, teaching America about the latest up-and-coming inventions. Yes, she was in a cutting-edge industry and was fending off the laughter amongst the non-nerds "Ha! Computers... like we'll ever use computers!" This left me and dad and pre-packaged meals. What I remember of my mom's travels was the time with my dad. How he always got shampoo in my eyes. The way that the scrambled eggs were burned around the edges. McDonald's for dinner 4 nights in a row.

Monday was a teacher's holiday, so I was home from school. Dad thought it would be fun to go to McDonald's for lunch. Why not? So we got in the car, but instead of whirling around the block, we got on the freeway. Driving, driving... where are we going? McDonald's....how much further? we're almost there... After an eternity in the passenger seat, we were there. I hopped out of the truck and happily bounded to the restaurant door. But there I was stopped.

Now we were waiting. For who I couldn't say. Still, I don't know. The name escapes me. The general description is a soft-focus outline in my memory. I sort of remember the hair. The voice is... kinda. The only thing that I really remember is the car, and the majority of it I'm sure is fictional. In my mind it's a black Corvette-like coupe. The door is open and I am mesmerized... the internal voice keeps reminding me "the door is ajar. the door is ajar". A soft, female voice cooing "the door is ajar" over and over. None of the brash "bing bing bing" of the truck. Just a nice, smooth voice, coaxing you to close the door. There was an air freshener of some sort dangling from the air conditioning vent, but the scent escapes me.

So there I sat, in the driver's seat of this KIT car, enthralled. It seemed like forever. My father and this woman... a friend from work... stood in the rear of the car. I couldn't hear them talking... just the repeated reminders about my door being ajar. I was hypnotized. I remember the feeling... that feeling when you snap out of a fog and you realize that this wasn't what you wanted to be doing... that was when I turned and noticed them for the first time. Standing near each other, chatting casually. I was still hazy from my door-ajar hypnosis, but it still struck me as strange. To see my father so relaxed, leaning on the car. Chatting with this woman like it was the most natural thing in the world. It was polar opposite of who my father was. A stuffy curmudgeon who preferred his seat in the den to anything else. The sharp conversations with my mother. The strained way that he talked to me. The grouchy old man in the den had suddenly become the beaming stud who could talk gracefully and endlessly and casually.

I don't remember the lunch. I don't remember the ride home or the rest of the weekend. I only remember the way that the day laid sideways in my gut for years. It dislodged 7 years later after my parents' divorce. When 2 weeks after he left the house, he returned to take me to lunch. To see how I was doing - at my mother's behest - and bring along his girlfriend for me to meet.

Posted by giddygirlie at 8:10 PM | Permalink

Ryan Rockin' Out

Ryan singing "GTO" and the rest of the guys looking like nerds in the Lakers jerseys. It was a bad joke that backfired and everyone ended up embarrassed and pleading "hey, we're not 'that guy'"

Zach rockin' the theramin. This is the #1 conversation piece at any Taint show, rivaled only by the pirate song. I have invoked a new rule - if you want to touch the theramin, it's a 2 boob minimum.

Posted by giddygirlie at 9:51 PM | Permalink

You know it's true love when you see your wife walking down the hall, naked. And she's not wearing her wig* so her real hair is sticking out all over the place and is twelve different shades of horrible blonde. And you notice the way that her butt jiggles when she steps and then she trips a little bit and stumbles and now her tampon string is showing, just swaying as she walks. And as soon as she's out of sight you think "man, I love that woman"

*his wife has a penchant for hairpieces, rather than having to bother "doing" her real hair.

Posted by giddygirlie at 9:16 PM | Permalink

I debate it sometimes, whether to find you and set things right. To give you back all the burdens you handed me. Or to just rip the pages from the book. Burn them slowly and let the black ashes swirl in the wind and blow you out of my life forever.

Posted by giddygirlie at 10:24 PM | Permalink

I usually waste at least an hour of my Sunday thinking back to Friday. Why didn't I do that then? Why did I fall asleep so early? We should have ____ [insert anything but going back to work here].

But to try and stop myself (since I have less than 60 minutes of Sunday remaining) I will instead think of all the things that I DID get accomplished and leave scrubbing the bathtub to being a Tuesday night chore :

• saw a group of unexpected friends at Fitzgerald's, where the Taint rocked an awesome show
• got smooched by Jerry Curl of the Booty Burglars
• stayed up 'til 5am watching "School of Rock" because it was due back to Blockbuster at noon, and we forgot until 3am that we still had it on top of the DVD player
• slept until 1:30pm, thus making "School of Rock" late anyway
• got the gift baskets and filler purchased, just leaving assembly for Monday night
• drank too many gin & tonics and got a little giggly and tried to convince Jake that singing "Charles in Charge" was imperative, or at least they could let ME sing "Astro Zombies" (neither suggestion was taken)
• drove to Westwood to see the Taint suck it up
• ate Del Taco breakfast burritos - deceivingly addictive
• made BBQ'd fish tacos w/the Bostons and shared my thoughts on coaching the Lakers (which would involve plucking nose hairs for missed free throws and mandatory haircuts for Rick Fox)
• tried to inspire John's Rally Lizard into willing the Lakers into a victory. Of course, my request went unheeded and instead he tried to eat my rice. Bad lizard!
• did 2 loads of laundry and clean underwear AND socks for work tomorrow

All in all, it wasn't a total loss... but I still wish I had more time. There are naps to take and ice cream sandwiches to eat. But tonight, I am just too tired.

Posted by giddygirlie at 11:07 PM | Permalink

The flip side is that the fine folks at Disney don't give chotchkies*, so all I have is a brochure and a date for lunch. I guess you win some and you lose some.

*is that how you spell that? And what the heck does it mean? People all across our company call promo items (hats, mugs, etc.) chotchkies and I don't know why. Styro - can you shed some light?

Posted by giddygirlie at 8:39 PM | Permalink

It's always interesting to go to those things. You have the overly aggressive vendors ("Are you sure you don't have any upcoming meetings in Montana??") and the too-timid vendors who sit behind their tables, full of brochures, with no one paying any attention to them. I get a thrill sometimes from being "known". I work for a very large company that isn't something that you've ever heard of (unless you're in the Tech Biz) but we host some very big (read : expensive) events all over the place. So, it's neat when you strike up a conversation with a hotel from someplace far away and they say "oooh... Company X! Can I get you some more goodies? Let me take your information again... can I call you on Friday?"

So far, my haul includes 2 tote bags full of brochures and sales kits and approximately 2 tons of goodies. I have business card holders, keychains, chocolate bars, even a silver dollar and a rubber duck of Shaquille O'Neal. It's quite a spread. If I get anything cool tomorrow, I will start sending them out to all of you. Hope you like letter openers! :)

Posted by giddygirlie at 9:14 PM | Permalink

For me, my time was when OJ was fleeing to Mexico.

This year is the 10th anniversary of Nicole Brown's murder and I can't believe how the time passed so quickly! That afternoon, we were gearing up to go ice skating in Costa Mesa. Sarah's boyfriend had landed a sweet gig at the rink that let him have access to the place after his hockey practice, and it also meant free skates for us.

She was forever trying to set me up with his friend, Josh, a weird guy by any definition, but hey! I was 16 and what did I care? So, we had it planned. We'd get there just before the last session ended and then we'd have the rink to ourselves. We planned to pick up Megan and then head out, so we loaded into the Sable and set out on the 405. Only the traffic was dead-stopped. What the hell? So we bailed off the freeway and took side streets, remarking on what kind of accident could close down 16 lanes of freeway traffic. Yikes. So we flipped on the radio news channel as we drove... only to hear about OJ. He was passing through our fair county on his way to Mexico. Reportedly racing through in a white Bronco with police tailing him everywhere. Traffic was stopped and diverted as they waited for him to act. There was a suicide plea and a threat to the officers, so all of us had to suffer the misery of LA-like traffic while OJ made his way through town.

It was surreal. Not only was the freeway virtually closed for the first time ever, but a suspected murderer was sharing the lanes.

When we got to the rink late, we explained what was going on out there. Everyone was abuzz "OJ who?" "the guy from the Hertz commercials?" "The guy from Naked Gun?" "Wasn't he in Airplane?" "That guy?"

It was the beginning of the Trial of the Century that would forever consume Orange County. Now, 10 years later, in the aftermath of the Michael Jackson and Scott Peterson cases, OJ is receeding into the background. Sort of. He popped up this week to express how he is sometimes "angry at Nicole" for not "being there" for her kids. I don't care what you think - that guy is GUILTY and I only regret that I hadn't driven my little car out onto the 405, stopped myself in the middle, and refused to let his stupid ass pass by. But instead I had a date at the ice skating rink.

It also made it even more close-to-home when Nicole Brown was buried at our local cemetery, which happened to back up to the tract of houses where my friends lived. We stood by and watched the procession go by and the flooding of the cemetery by the media. There was always the groups of kids at school, heading up to the grave site - just to see it. In death, she became somewhat of a local celebrity. Poor thing.

Posted by giddygirlie at 9:54 PM | Permalink

Second, guess which one of these things I did NOT see on Saturday :

a. 80 year old lady playing a robin's egg blue accordian at the beach
b. a dead cat in the middle of the 405 freeway
c. Monkey throw up all of his dinner and then eat it again off the lineoleum

Third, guess which nickname we gave to Jenn's quote-unquote boyfriend's genitalia :

a. domo-hairy-nard-o Mr. Roboto
b. New Dad & the Stepkids
c. Will Willis

Posted by giddygirlie at 12:43 PM | Permalink

I love you, Ryan. Happy Anniversary.

Posted by giddygirlie at 12:09 PM | Permalink

Why? I'm not wearing tight clothes. I refuse to wear nylons. I wear "business casual" garb that for the most part is pretty loose fitting and comfortable. So why does it feel a MILLION times better to take it off?

And the single best feeling in the world : taking off that damn push-up bra after 12 hours of work. Woo-yeah. That's what I am talking about...

Posted by giddygirlie at 8:49 PM | Permalink

Case in Point #1 : Iggy Pop & the Stooges "Lust For Life"
You will recognize this happy tune from the Royal Caribbean commercials, where the happy sailors frolic on the rock-climbing wall or trek through Alaska or swim with sting rays. Drum line - awesome. Vocals - eerily catchy. Lyrics - uh... fire the fact-checker.

Case in Point #2 : The Transplants "Diamonds and Guns"
You have heard the piano riff and the "woo woo" in the back of the Garnier shampoo commercials. A bunch of beautiful twenty-somethings are showering in the desert, concerned about their split ends. Melody - very likeable. Vocals - stick in your brain. Lyrics - again... who would choose THIS song??

Posted by giddygirlie at 12:01 PM | Permalink