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May 28, 2004
For a gag, now and
For a gag, now and then I check the referral stats on my website. Most are pretty innocent. People looking for Marge Simpson's curtains, girls named Mia, etc.
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Today I found my new two favorites :
1. blog cigarette butt a castoff cigarette butt
2. stranger cupped my wife's
Not to sound like a prude or anything.. but when did I blog about either of those things?! Do you remember? I sure don't. But by posting them here, I am clearly trying to draw the attention of whoever is searching for these things. And if this is you - welcome!
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May 27, 2004
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May 25, 2004
After much shit-talking and foul-mouthed
After much shit-talking and foul-mouthed obscenities, we both secretly wished that our mothers never met the internet. And if you work for the IM Auditing Department, please put in a good word for us.
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In other news, there is space left over in our handbasket to Hell. If you're interested in taking the road trip with us, we've used our frequent a-hole miles to upgrade ourselves to a direct route with no stop-overs.
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May 24, 2004
Saturday, Ryan's band played at
Saturday, Ryan's band played at the Liquid Den in Huntington Beach with the Mojo Apostles, who are my new favorite band. This is just one more stab in the eye for those of us who don't live in the Bay Area.
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These guys, from Oakland, are seriously the coolest punk-a-billy band I have seen in a while (although to be perfectly honest it's been a year since we saw the Reverend and the SCOTS at the House of Blues). The lead singer is seriously the coolest ever - you just have to hear it. They also hand out free CDs, so you really should get one. You have NO excuse!! Hear them. Love them. Thank you.
p.s. I hope that all of my new best friends up north know that what this means is that I may be sleeping on your couch sometime soon to see these Oakland baddies.
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May 21, 2004
Why does Will rock so
Why does Will rock so hard? I don't know if anyone will quite understand it, but I am taking a cue from him once again and posting a quiz. I am offering prizes... c'mon... you can do it!!
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Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com!
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Questions from Styro 1. You
Questions from Styro
1. You win two free international flight tickets anywhere in the world, but they’re ONE WAY. Where do you and Ryan end up calling Home?
Based on the few places that I have been, I would say Turks & Caicos. It was so beautiful there and the people were so friendly. Plus, I love me some cheap Jamaican rum!
2. You’re stranded a la Gilligan on a deserted tropical Island. You get to have four other people with you, of your choosing. Who are these people? Why’d you choose to bring them?
I'd bring Ryan for sure... I know, I know, that sound so cliche... but really he is my best friend and he's entertaining, strong, knows how to start a fire with sticks, and will gut a fish. So he's essential. I'd also choose Styro & the Librarian, because they are the hottest little couple ever and she is obviously my twin that got separated at birth. The last person? Hmm... maybe someone who gives good foot massages. I think we'll be needing some of that on the island.
3. What are you having for lunch today? I’m famished, will you give me half?
BBQ chicken - yes you can definitely have some. It is SO good, but it's too much for one person.
4. Annie are you OK?
Did you hear? I got hit by a smooth criminal!
5. A magic big-shoed clown accosts you in the park: he says he can give you ONE THING before he returns to his alcohol funnycar. What is that ONE THING that you ask him to give you? (It must be tangible. i.e. GET GREEDY.)
Of course, it's going to be money! A lot of money... enough to buy a nice house and a decent car and get my root canal and maybe some highlights in my hair. $50 million ought to cover it, don'cha think?
THE RULES:
1. Leave a comment, saying you want to be interviewed.
2. I will respond to up to five of you; I'll ask you five questions.
3. You'll update your website with my five questions, and your five answers.
4. You'll include this explanation.
5. You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.
May 17, 2004
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If anyone wants a peek
If anyone wants a peek into my life, just turn on "The King of Queens".
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Carrie : What can I do to make it up to you?
Doug : Strip
Carrie : Strip? Can't I just melt cheese on something for you?
Doug : If it's part of the act, yes. C'mon... offsie clothsie
Carrie : Offsie clothsie? Did you just think that up?
Doug : I've been saving it for a rainy day, and sista it's pouring outside.
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Saturday night was fun on
Saturday night was fun on a whole buncha levels. Ryan's band played with those mischevious Booty Burglars at Malone's Irish Pub, where I thought that I spied the infamous Diablo Cody! This petite little sprite there was a dead ringer for the famed Diablo, and I couldn't stop wondering (I know she sometimes visits friends in the So. Cal. area, so it was feasible!)... I overheard one of her friends call her by her first name, which happened to be the same as Diablo's true moniker. It was too much... I was convinced... it HAD to be her, right? Didn't it? Ryan suggested yelling out "Diablo Cody!!" between songs. If she turned around, it was her... unless of course, she thought we were freakish stalkers and ran to hide in the bathroom. Ryan tried it once, and she leaned to whisper in her friend's ear. Was that a sign? She never turned around to look at us, so we stopped yelling it, feeling as stupid as we looked.
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The other cool part of the night was that we took Dear Brother Evan with us. Guess what made this so cool : a. it was his first time seeing Ryan play live b. he's only 19 and had to be snuck into the bar c. he rocked hard and became the center of attention d. he won the Booty Burglars CD give away fair and square e. he made the bartender blush by batting his lashes - I'm pretty sure he ended up getting her home phone number f. all of the above
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May 13, 2004
At the request of Will:
At the request of Will:
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*3 Questions
I want everyone and anyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions, no more no less. Ask me anything you want and I will truthfully answer it. Then, I want you to go to your blog, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything.*
Whatever, ask me somethin'. Shoot.
*Responses will appear in the comment section.
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May 12, 2004
Why does fresh nail polish
Why does fresh nail polish make you suddenly so aware of your nails? You'd think I was Italian the way that I talk with my hands today. And having your toes done is a divine lavishment that every woman should have. Plus, look how damn cute feet look with flowers! And rhinestones!!
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*for those of you 'in the know' you will see an imposter in this picture
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May 11, 2004
what does it take to
what does it take to make me smile?
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just one of my favorite bloggy buddies to call me at work just to mutter something obscene and then hang up.
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So today I logged into
So today I logged into my beloved Blogger and everything is different! Is this what happens when you don't post for 6 days? They change the whole look/feel of the site? I mean, I like it, I'm not complaining... it's just... new...
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...and it was doubly bothersome, since I had this feeling just yesterday morning... when I woke up and my house was clean. And not like the "feh! It's clean enough" that it usually is... it was company clean! Carpets - vacuumed! Windows - washed! Clean laundry - put into the drawers, not stacked on the dresser! Sewing machine - not on dining room table! It was like waking up in someone else's house. Everything was nice, and familiar, but it is so different for me to have to *gasp!* open the medicine cabinet for the toothpaste that is used to living on the counter top.
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sometimes, you just have to
sometimes, you just have to read it... Tomato Nation
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May 4, 2004
Ok, so if you find
Ok, so if you find a penny and pick it up, you are supposed to have good luck.
If a black cat crosses your path, you will have bad luck.
But I can't find ANYWHERE where it tells me the meaning of finding a red-eared slider in the parking lot next to my car in the most industrial neighborhood in Santa Ana with nary a stream nor lake nor grass nor tree for miles.
Oh, I guess it means that you'll have a turtle sleeping in your bathtub overnight until you can take it to the cool pond over by John's house tomorrow. And that you'll even go to Petco and buy those little feeder goldfish. And that you'll do your best not to name them on the way home, because you know they are 10 minutes away from becoming lunch. And that your cat will sit and cry at the closed bathroom door and reach waaaaaay under with his paw, trying to find out what possible reason you could have for not letting him in there.
Wednesday Morning Update : the stupid little feeder fish raced around the tub and then expired all at the same time. Yertle declined to eat any of them and eyed me suspiciously when I offered him a piece of lettuce as an alternative (some turtles are vegetarian, you know!). He looked so scared and I was quite sure that he had been dumped in the parking lot by someone looking to get rid of him (although that is the WORST place that they could have left him!), so Ryan made the executive decision to take him to the sparkly pond in Costa Mesa, where John lives. There, a whole band of red eared sliders live happily together and John says the property management gives them turtle food pellets in addition to the guppies in the pond.
According to Ryan, this is how the release went : Yertle splashed into the water, immediately cutting a glistening trail in the calm water. In this distance faint music played and as he swam up to the other turtles, fireworks exploded overhead. [the weirdest part of this is that all parts of this story are true... how movie-like the whole thing was is open to interpretation]
--------1. quote of the night
1. quote of the night : [Jeremy to Ryan] has a guy who looks like John Malkovich ever told you that you look like Quentin Tarantino?
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2. Ryan was starving, so I drove thru KFC (gag) to get him some mashed potatoes and mac-n-cheese. So Sunday morning, I am rushing around to pack up and what-not and I grab the KFC bag to move to the trashcan... GRAVY all over my leg. Ew. So I had to change my clothes and pack up GRAVY laden pants. Nasty.
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May 3, 2004
Just an FYI that the
Just an FYI that the comments aren't saving but they ARE emailing to me, so go ahead and leave me a message! Haloscan is working on it right now, so hopefully it'll be fixed soon.
I don't want to blather on forever... wait, yes I do, but I WON'T blather on forever about how great my vacation to Cancun was. Instead, I will give you the following highlights from our trip :
- weather was awesome
- the crocodile was huge (over 8 feet long!)
- the iguanas were equally huge and a little too casual for my taste ("please Mr. Iguana, sir, get out from under my bed and leave immediately")
- the food was excellent
- no one knows what was in the "Scooby Doo" shots and they were a different color each time. One thing is certain : you get REAL drunk REAL fast
- the snorkeling was beautiful and I am now kind of scared of thimble jellyfish
- we met some really cool people there and swapped a few business cards – who knew you could 'network' in the middle of a game of pool volleyball?
HUGFEST 2004
Hugfest, however, is a trip that I WILL blather on forever about. I am so enchanted and totally in crush with all the people that I met. I wanted to take them all home in my pockets with me.
On Saturday, Ryan and I got to the airport, to meet Miss Bliss, although we didn't see her right away. I should have known that she was the cute blondie giggling into her book two rows over! She came up to us (no doubt thinking "I hope this isn't them! What imbeciles! Shooting peanuts out of their noses? At 10am?!") and we became fast friends. Miss Bliss is an absolute gem of a lady. Think of every beautiful adjective for a person, and that's her. I will start a list to get your mind on the right track, but at the risk of sounding like a complete psycho, I will stop after five : 1. genuine 2. funny 3. warm 4. comfy 5. delightful
After our flight was delayed not once, not twice, but THRICE (!!), it was finally cancelled. The best feeling of the day was when Miss Bliss shrugged her shoulders and said "eh, we'll drive then." TOTALLY my kinda peeps. Fortunately, we were able to take another flight to San Francisco (instead of San Jose) so we didn't have far to drive. I was double lucky that Ryan got sat on the aisle across from us on the flight, so I got Miss Bliss all to myself. [insert your jealousy here]
At the airport we rented 2 cars (Miss Bliss was driving separate so she could visit some other lucky Bay Area inhabitants) and so Ryan and I got to rock out to Rob Zombie at top volume and argue over which of us loves Miss Bliss more. I think I won at infinity billion, but he's still rolling his eyes and questioning the validity of the number. Whatever, he's such a nerd.
The hotel that we stayed at was tres cool. If by "cool" you mean lodge in the woods, haunted by ghosts with a secret tunnel from the prohibition era and a mermaid swimming pool for the prostitutes. See what I mean? All that AND free cable. Dude, I was sold.
I regret that my first meeting with the Divine Miss Jules was in the hallway outside of my room, after a sweaty day of traveling without makeup and the breath of a trucker. Yow. I am so lucky that she agreed to ever talk to me again after that. However, she did give me a few minutes to freshen up – fresh deodorant, lipstick and a little hairspray – and then we met the whole gang down at the bar. Everyone was so great right off the bat. Bloggers that I have barely had the privilege of conversing with via email were actually talking – to ME!!! And they were all so kind to my dear husband, who needs a short leash and alas, does not have a blog (although a great kudos is in order to Erin for pointing out a great blog title and subject for Ryan. Pay me a dollar and I'll tell you what it was (Only joking… the cost is $2).
After all the Blogsylvania gang, plus some "real world" friends had all convened, we moved the party back to Casa De Jules. The whole Jules Family had really outdone themselves! Mr. Jules built a Tiki Bar and a whole outdoor party room – with his own two hands!! The whole lovely garden was transformed into a little piece of tropical paradise. Even the soft-as-kittens soil and ivy on the ground begged for you to take your shoes off.
This is what I have to say about some of the people who were there :
Miss Bliss : I adore this woman (see above)
Miss Jules : the friendliest, most beautiful lady in the whole world. I am so lucky to have been allowed to stand in her company. Seriously. I promise that next time I won't be so shy and you'll be in for a world of hurt!!
Mr. Jules : I'm sorry that you had some technical difficulties with your TV and that you hate the Elephant Man so much. I did however totally enjoy your stories. And your Bruce Lee shirt. Oh, and p.s. – Ryan keeps writing "Jeremy + Ryan = BFF" on all of his peachies now.
Erin : one cool chick! Not only did she tolerate my buttinski into her conversation, she totally didn't roll her eyes when I admitted my love for fart jokes and Will Ferrell movies
Pete : SUCH a cool guy!! I personally want to tweeze the nose hairs from the Dan Band for trying to rain on my man's parade by not returning for their encore. Stoopit Dans!!
JadedJu : I didn't get to converse with her too much one on one, which means that at Hugfest 2005, I am totally plunking myself at her feet and making her my new best friend… watch out!
Dan : I am totally in crush with Dan. #1 – he laughed at one of my jokes (and 1/100 ain't bad, folks!) #2 – he makes the Best. Desserts. Ever. #3 – he wore a Choppa hat #4 – he sings like the devil #5 – he'll totally do a little jig to get himself out of hot water
GoodBoss : I am in awe. She is a totally bitchin' chick AND crafts AND collects cool old stuff AND agrees that we need some vintage cars, only with air conditioning and electric windows.
Claire : total sweetheart and I am so lucky that she didn't punch me in the face when my story turned quickly from the I-appreciate-the-chance-to-bond-with-my-dad-at-a-concert story to the I-am-an-ass-who-name-drops-about-all-the-bands-she's-seen. Sorry about that. I totally owe you 20 minutes of your life back.
There were many more, including a visit from the Dear Parents and adorable Sister de Jules, but unfortunately, I am bad with names and spent too much time hiding behind a tree scarfing down Dan's orgasmic rice krispy treats to get to chat with you much.
Needless to say, I hung in there until the very end, when I half considered ditching the haunted hotel and curling up between Mr. & Mrs. Jules for the night. Even in the divot would have been ok. But instead we took the coldest walk in the history of the world back to our car (cut me some slack people! It's been 90+ degrees here lately!) and went back to the hotel to catch a few hours of sleep before check-out at 11am.
I am utterly in awe of all the wonderful people that we have met. And doubly blessed to have been invited in the first place. Thank you, Miss Jules, for letting us join you. Happy birthday again. And I know we still owe you a song…
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