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Ok, somehow I deleted my whole template page and messed my Blogger account. Oops. While I am fixing it, y'all get ORANGE. Hope you like it. And if you don't, thank you for being a friend anyway. :)
And I made an update to the Private Page also.
go on, treat yourself. You KNOW you want a new sparkly...
Neck Rubs.
It seems that no matter who is rubbing, weak or strong, rough or soft, I can never get enough of having my neck massaged. I suppose there are worse things. People who fear peanut butter sticking to the roof of their mouth (arachibutyrophobia) or being dressed (vestiophobia) or seeing people's knees (genuphobia).
But this is what I am submitting to the DSM-V for approval :
Neck-Rub-Philia comes in various shapes and sizes. Note that by definition a Neck-Rub-Phile does not necessarily want to be massaged over the entire body; an alternative would be to be rubbed only on the neck, head, or shoulders. Roughly categorized, at least three different types of Neck-Rub-philes emerge:
- Neck-Rub enthusiasts who, enjoy neck massages from anyone and, putting form before function, may consent to a massage that does not actually relax the muscles. This may be from an overly strong approach, or a far too gentle one;
- compulsive Neck-Rubbers, identifiable by the fact that they will request and/or accept a neck massage from any source and in any circumstance; and
- Massage Clients who, more generally, will purchase massage services from a professional or other qualified massuese to obtain a neck-rub. A neck-run from any other person, as they see it, is unreliable and unejoyable.
Then when I came home, Ryan was working in the studio. He has this huge drafting table where he works... he's inking away, asking about my day, etc. etc. and then when he stood up I realized that he was in a t-shirt and his underwear. "Nice outfit you've got there" "yeah, it's casual Friday" LOL - the benefit of working at home is that you never have to get dressed.
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Anyway, I was feelin' good... lotsa compliments... then She struck. She is the female Security Guard at work. She is always a little too chipper when I come in at 6:30am. She is the one that always watches you come and go... She remembers your name. Comments on your movements. She makes it a point to call you by name when She passes. Today, I was waiting to pay for my lunch - a modest 1/2 tuna sandwich - and she walks up to me and sayd "Hi Mia. Hey, I heard you were expecting. Congratulations. Do you know if it's a boy or girl? I wanted to get you a gift."
I was stunned.
#1 : no I'm not
#2 : what the fuck?
#3 : is that a fat joke?
#4 : or a bad rumor?
It's possible she had me confused with someone else. She is not someone that I talk to. She's certainly not someone that any of my work friends talks to. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. I mean, people make mistakes. But I was so red in the face. There in front of 20 people, I had to explain that no, I wasn't pregnant. I was so embarrassed. It made me want to go and run a mile.
Is it just me? Am I the only one with any manners anymore? Even when my dainty co-worker was very obviously pregnant, I never asked. First, she didn't share the news with everyone and it wasn't really my business. Second, it is always rude to ask someone if they are pregnant. That goes triple if they happen to be pleasantly plump. The fuck? Man... some people have no tact. Assholes.
Last week at Target, I saw this teeny weensy digital camera on sale for $20 and so I broke it in over the weekend at the Wizard Con in Long Beach. They aren't the best pics, but until I get the emails from everyone else (who have the expensive cameras) with better pictures, you'll have to accept this as photographic proof that I did actually attend 2 days of the Wizard Con.
Danny Miki (left) gave an inking seminar to a really fun crowd. He opened it up to lots of Q&A and got his fair share of heckling from the ranks of us nerds.
There was also a lot of swag on-hand to purchase. I seriously debated buying this shirt (right) with A.C. Slater & Zach Morris on it... "Heart Throbs"... yes, I know. I am lame. I decided to hold off and instead purchased some miniature plastic fruit from a Japanese kiosk. I don't know what it's for... a toy, I assume, but every box has a surprise... I was hoping to get the crab or maybe the clams... but I got the melons. Cute, regardless, and just one more thing to add to the clutter. :)
Joe Weems (left) was also on-hand, signing autographs. It's always fun seeing people you know being celebrities. All of the Crime Lab Studios guys run around doing signings and panel discussions and the like... and then to see these same people get starstruck at other comic nerdies. Or Rebecca Rojmin-Stamos.
Ryan was very happy because Mark Silvestri (right - I know, bad picture), acknowledged the work that he's been doing. Ryan's inked a few pages for Mark, including a recent cover, but hadn't seen Mark in a while, so when Mark saw it and praised him on his talents... it was a big honor.
As for me... Man, I have had a FULL weekend and I am going to be dragging on Monday. I had a hard week with long hours and a lot of actual running around (in high heels, no less). Friday night, I got a last minute invitation to see the Lakers play the Clippers at Staples Center, so I was out late. Got up early on Saturday for Convention Madness, stayed out late with the other Nerdies. Repeat on Sunday. Dude, my dogs are BARKIN' and I am pooped. I hope that you all had good weekends too... but I am willing to bet dollars to donuts that none of you saw a middle aged man dressed up as Wolverine, a black Superman, a 200 lb Wonder Woman, and Rebecca Rojmin-Stamos all in one day.
A while ago, I created a second blog where I could write without worrying who read it... because only I knew where it was. Soon after, I opened it up to anyone who had the interest to ask where it was. I have updated it again and have moved it someplace new - and password protected.
Any time you see this icon (left), you will know that the site has been updated. You can click on it to be directed to the new URL. If you would like the password to view the site, please email me. I can't remember who I did/didn't send the private site information to previously, so if you're interested, you'll have to ask me again.
We scoured the newspapers, the Pennysaver, message boards. We drove through neighborhoods, called every phone number posted on an apartment building. There weren't any that we could afford. Ryan was working at the local art store and I was a receptionist at a law firm. For as boss n' bitchin as we thought we were... we were desperately broke. On Saturday, we drove around Tustin, a city unfamiliar to us, even though we lived only 5 miles down the freeway. We cruised back and forth through the neighborhoods, filled with apartments. Toured model units, decorated by Ethan Allen. Squeezed hands and choked back tears when we heard the asking price. Deflated, we drove away from the last set of apartments. In my confusion, I missed the turn to the freeway, and started down a side street. A timid "for rent" sign was staked in the dead grass. We stopped to talk to the Manager. She was very glad to see us, as they all were. She knocked on one of the doors and a friendly Vietnamese couple who spoke very little english agreed to let us tour their apartment, since the vacant apartment was being cleaned. We didn't need to even step inside. The entirety of the apartment was visible from the door frame.
We spent Sunday at Sea World with the family (happy birthday, Dear Brother!) and it was really a noteworthy day. From time to time, Ryan and I would break away from the group and wander the exhibits on our own. Every time we did, the fates delivered us something miraculous. It was astounding. No matter where we were, we were alone... it was like having the aquarium to ourselves. Every creature in the water was interested in us... we were in complete awe.
We walked into the manatee exhibit and were still adjusting to the darkness when I laid eyes on the first one. Gently bobbing through the water, it swam from the bottom of the tank to the top... twisting and rolling. The audio track explained that the manatees here were rescued after injury. That's when I saw her tail. It was less than half intact, the rest a swelling of scar tissue. Tears sprang to my eyes. I couldn't help myself... I felt her pain and I choked back a sob. She swam up the glass and twirled around next to me. The second floated to the top of the tank and grazed aimlessly on the fresh lettuce provided. Ryan and I sat on the floor and just watched them. My heart swelled and pained. We sat there, totally alone for nearly 20 minutes.
Later we wandered to the dolphin pool and three dolphins came up to be pet by us, even though we were the only ones without fish for treats. We watched the killer whales in the tank and they swam by to see us... bring their small eyes closer and closer, to rub up against the glass. We stood alone next to the glass wall... smiling uncontrollably. We visited the seals and sea lions who all met our eyes. The sea lions trumpted back to us and flipped into the water. It was amazing having this time all to ourselves.
But the highlight of the day, by far was the Wild Arctic attraction. It begins with a flight simulator "helicopter" ride to the arctic and when you exit, you see the exhibits of the arctic animals. There were very few people on our 'flight' and wouldn't you know it, every one of them ran ahead of us. They peeked into the beluga whale pool then ran on... glanced into the polar bear exhibit, nothing, ran on... pointed and laughed at the walruses, then ran on... Ryan and I walked slowly. The theming of the exhibit was really cool, actually. We stopped and watched the belugas swim, then slowly made our way to the polar bear exhibit. One loan bear was splashing in the pool, and when he saw us, he came out of the pool. As he passed the cave, two more bears came out. All three wiggled their noses, they smelled something. We stood astounded. They sniffed toward us - was it us they smelled? No. Instead they smelled something (cream cheese maybe?) that was smeared on the inside of the glass. Clearly a ploy to get the bears to come near the people. And it worked. All three walked along the ledge, just inches away from us. They came face to face and looked at us. The largest one got there first, and started licking the snack off the glass. His nose was tremendous, his head unbelievable. Here was one of the greatest creatures in the world. He has the ability to hunt, track, and devour seals 5 times my size. He could easily fit my shoulders into his mouth with no effort. And he rose to his back legs, licking the treat off the glass. I squeezed Ryan's hand tight. The tears in the corners of my eyes were threatening to flood. My heart was racing, my hands were cold. I have never in my life seen anything so powerful. So threatening. So riveting. I have never been so in awe of anything. So moved by the grace of a beast. So mesmerized. So glad. So... I don't have the words to describe. All I know is that I truly felt the movement of the earth yesterday. For the first time. In the most over-commercialized, unexpected place. And I wept at the serenity of it all for hours last night.
My suspicions have been confirmed. The Post Office officially hates my guts.
About 6,000 years ago a dear boy named Brad had a birthday. I said "let me send you some goodies". Then came the delays... oh, the delays!... and then I FINALLY sent out a package. Complete with an armada of pirate toys and lollipops. But alas, the Post Office has sunk my battleship. They have sabotaged my Tuppermail and instead delivered this to dear Brad.
Yes, that's right. They delivered him the lid. Isn't that like a double insult? Triple, even? Somewhere out there is a slimeball Postal Worker, waiting for my next package.... waiting to slice through the box tape, take out the hand written note, unwrap the cherry lollipops and chocolate candies and EAT them while playing pirate war with the toys? It makes me sick. To the postal workers of California, my stinky feet go out to you. Watch out, because when you least expect it, you're gonna get a stinky shoe from Mia. I'll wear the old ones in the back of the closet... those really cruddy ones that I can't bear to throw away for some reason... I'll wear them all day without socks... maybe even TWO days! Go for a walk. Take a jog in the park. Run a marathon. Step in dog doo? Who knows? Then I'll slap adequate postage on it and shove it in the mailbox. Take THAT!
I saw neighbors that I have never seen... smelled the fresh paint of apartments ready for new tenants... heard teenagers rapping along to Dr. Dre... said hello to new parents, pushing a stroller with a tiny infant tucked inside... pet the head of a happy dog, out to go potty... passed nervous women smoking cigarettes at the park... immersed myself in the smell of jasmine and gardenia, blooming in the warm night air... listened to the squeak of my left shoe when I was the only one on the sidewalk... inspected the architecture of the adjacent condos... watched as people struggled with the changing of the wash, moving wet clothes from washer to dryer in a stackable machine... fabric softener and detergent wafting through the air... I spied angry girlfriends, arms crossed, pursed lips and furrowed brows watching the roller hockey game... 30 people competing at a game of half-court basketball... children pried from the jungle gym, kicking and screaming, bed time be damned... the pirate ship climbing structure... the warm breeze and the clear sky... the water whooshing forward in the bottle I was carrying... then slooshing back... whoosh... sloosh... the quiet streets... the calm houses... the sounds of a Disney video... a telephone conversation... the sprinklers turning on and off, in stages around the cul-de-sac...
I can't wait to see what I learn tonight.
What? Why yes... that IS my name in rhinestones! Yes, I know you are jealous. I am so rad that I am almost jealous of myself. Almost. I mean, check out that pomp! Look at that booty! And that bracelet? Forget it folks... you can't beat the Mia. Sorry. ;-)
Of course, all the credit goes to Styro for the awesome bracelet. I have the loveliest friends in the whole wide world. You may think you like your friends... but I GUARANTEE they can't beat what I've got! Go Fish!
Friday night we went to see Dead Man's Party who rock me to the core. They are bar none the BEST tribute band ever. Plus, they are an OINGO BOINGO tribute band. You can't beat that!! The show was so rad... plus, I had this flashy rhinestone bracelet to flash around, so I was pretty much the coolest girl there. (That's what the pictures are from - the Friday show)
The sky was grey and it had been drizzling all morning. Just a light, misty rain, but enough to make the hefting of boxes up the stairs a little tricky. I walked in and the guys were already there. They had been moving their dressers and bedframes all morning. I clutched my box of miscellany and headed to my room. It was nearly empty, except the bedframe and damp mattress. The smell of fresh paint was overwhelming. I told myself that it was the paint fumes, but I was scared. I opened the window and breathed in the fresh air. The smell of the wet pavement filled my nostrils and I fought back tears.
Slowly I made my way back and forth, up and down the stairs. All of my belongings filling the room. The boys were still making trips to get the refrigerator, the microwave, their mattresses. I sat on the floor and cut open the tape on the first box. All of the things that it had seemed so important to take now had no logical place. What would I do with these old love letters? These scraps of cloth? These half-sewn projects? These airline ticket stubs? I closed the box and slid it to the back of the closet. After an hour sitting cross-legged on the floor, all the boxes ended up in the same place.
When K finally arrived, I helped him manuever our bed into the room. It was wet from the rain, so we propped it against the wall. He was beaming with pride : his first apartment. I feigned happiness and wondered how long it would last. The love was surely gone, we both knew it. Our living together was pure escapist fantasy. He was now surrounded by his friends and his girlfriend 24 hours a day. No more deciding where to go on a Saturday night. No more worrying about where people were, or when they would arrive. We were now all under one roof. Convenience had come to fruition and he couldn't be more pleased. I didn't care where I was, as long as I wasn't there. The home where I had lived like a stranger for the past 8 years. The home that was more of a dormitory for the outsider who didn't belong. People laughed when I referred to myself as the foreign exchange student. Silly Mia, you and your jokes. They couldn't have understood how alien I felt. But now I was here. Someplace new, someplace filled with opportunity. A place where my voice was heard. A place amongst friends. And I was scared beyond comprehension.
That night, everyone we knew came over. They took a tour of the place, commented on the lovely size. Scoffed at the ridiculous rent. Envied the freedom that we had purchased for $250 each a month. They procured drugs and booze and filled themselves with both. There were probaby 25 of us in that living room. Sitting on the floor, staring up at the vaulted ceilings. I don't think that anyone but me even noticed the complete lack of furniture. The only thing in the living room besides the pile of muddy shoes and wet jackets was a small TV with fuzzy reception. I smiled and joked and laughed and carried on with the rest of them, ever the actress playing her part. The hours passed on and on... until the sun slowly peeked up over the adjacent building. No one had left. A few people were starting to stretch out on the carpet. Jackets made makeshift blankets and pillows. Girlfriends curled up in the arms of boyfriends. I buried my face in my own pillow, fighting back the tears. K put his arm around me and told me it would be all right. Things would be fine. I knew he was lying. Things had never been all right. Things had never been fine. It was only a matter of time before all of this dissolved, just like everything before. But I savored the moment. The new carpet. The fresh paint. The soft sounds of friends sleeping beside me. The pattering of the rain outside. I breathed it all in as deeply as I could. I held my breath for as long as I could. Until I succumbed and was forced to exhale... several months later, but the story was the same.
me : I was laughing so hard the other day at this guy's blog
friend : what's a blog?
me : a weblog? Y'know, like an online journal...
friend : oooooookaaaay [rolling eyes]
me : so anyway, I was laughing so hard 'cause this guy said...
Six Months Ago
me : so I was blogging the other day about Mike, and this girl that I totally admire left me a comment
friend : nuh uh! Really? The one that you were telling me about?
me : yes! Totally! I was so flattered.
friend : that is so rad
Four Months Ago
me : so you know that guy IA that I was telling you about?
friend : um, IA?
me : yeah, the patent attorney in New York
friend : oh yeah, yeah... is his name like Isaac Anderson or something?
me : um... no. Come to think of it, I have no idea what his real name is.
friend : uh huh
me : oh wait! He's the Incompetent Attorney. That's why he's called IA.
friend : oh
me : so anyway, he was telling me that when we're in New York we have to see...
Two Weeks Ago
me : so I was checking email and blog stalking a few people and then a bunch of people signed on to Instant Messenger. Next thing I know, I am roped into Strip Scrabble. It was rad. Oh! And then after, I was emailing Jules to tell her that Miss Bliss and I will for sure be at her kick ass party. We're flying up together and staying at the same hotel. It's going to be like a slumber party.
friend : how fun!
me : yeah, oh and will you please pass the butterscotch that Kim made? Isn't she FABULOUS?! Did you see Styro's Valentine? I love the little monkey!
friend : yes, I am in heaven right now. That's so cool. You know all the cool people on the internet.
me : indeed, I do.
friend : how come all the people I meet are so... lame?
me : because you hang out on MySpace, trolling for guys
friend : yeah. But don't normal people do that? Where are all the cool people?
me : blogging
I should seriously sell this research to Harvard. In the past year, my friend has been cruising the internet, meeting people who have ALL turned out to be lame. They are either freaky kinkys or just straight up asses. She's hit the bars, the clubs, the hot spots... nada. Let's put it this way : she's blocking a LOT of phone numbers on her cell phone these days.
This time last year I started a blog. It was lonely. Had no readers. I followed links all over the internet, read a lot of crappy poetry and suicidal rantings. And then I found the glorious valley in the hills : Blogsylvania Ranch. I commented, you responded. We emailed, we bonded. I sent you an instant message, you sent me cookies. I sewed you a monkey, you sent me a post card. I cried for your pain, I made googly eyes at your baby, I prayed for your kitty, and offer to stab the jerk who dumped you. I now have the best network of friends EVER. If I go to Georgia or Virginia or Illinois or Florida, I have a couch to sleep on. If I fall in the Grand Canyon, I know someone to save me. If I get a flat tire in Hollywood, I have a friend to tow me. If I take the wrong BART train and end up in Oakland, I know people to call for lunch. And if I make it to Berkeley, I have people to meet at Top Dog.
In case you can't tell, I am TOTALLY in crush with each and every one of you today. I am throwing my arms around the world today and squeezing you all tight. Yes, I did just eat Chex Mix and no I don't have an Altoid - deal with it.
Why do you suck so hardcore? You've only lived here for a year and you're the biggest antagonist in the house. You see those speakers next to you? Yeah, they've been with the team since 1999. Hell no, they weren't Y2K compliant. But guess what? They still yell out "you've got mail" with ferocity and scare the crap out of me. And don't give me that same old song and dance about Photoshop! I know it's a big program. I know those 10 gig files are strenuous. I know that you hate them with every ounce of your circutry, but please. Bear with me here. I promised to get you a CD burner, so you'd never have to have another jpg file touch your C drive again. But you refuse to cooperate.
What the hell happened to the scanner?! I loaded the drivers, downloaded the patch. I have done everything. And now, on the THIRD page you have the nerve to tell me that you can't find it? What?! The nerve!
Computer, I am sorry to have to say this. But this is your last warning. You have broken all the attendance policies. You're tardy too often. You call in sick a lot. You're becoming a burden on the rest of the team. If your performance doesn't improve soon we're going to have to take further disciplinary measures. I see in your file that you have forced us to CTRL+ALT+DELETE more than any other system that we have ever known. This is unacceptable and is distracting from the way we do business here. I am going to shut down and restart one last time, and if you don't cooperate, I'll be making an appointment with the Dell dude.
Sincerely,
Management
- "Get Out" by Faith No More
